As filled with chaos as my life has been this year…the sorrow, grief, loss, fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and frustration…the one thing I always knew for certain was that something wonderful was taking place. I had no idea what the outcome would be…I still can’t say with certainty what the outcome will be. But, I’ve always known that life as I’ve previously known it was saying good-bye.
One amazing side effect of all of these shifts and changes in my life is that of integration. All of the pieces of myself that I’ve left in various places, with different people, kept hidden from certain groups of people…all of those pieces no longer wish to be separated or differentiated. It is time for all of them to come together in a unified human. Not in the old ways as the pieces once fit together, but rather, in a new unknown configuration. As each little piece falls into its perfect place, I watch in awe and amazement…acutely aware that some greater force is undoubtedly orchestrating this entire metamorphosistic process.
This blog is as a result of that integration. Two years ago, I set the intention of creating a sisterhood of spiritual women. I felt so alone in my journey, and desperately wanted and needed support and companionship. This year, in the midst of all the chaos, some wonderful women came to me in just a matter of months…reconnecting with long-ago friends, deepening old acquaintances into friendships, meeting new people through online classes and teleseminars. Together, you helped me to realize that there really is a wonderful network of amazing women, even if not all of you are close enough for a pajama tea party. Ironically, you also spoke of a need for community…of feeling isolated and desired support in your journeys. And so, this blog was born…sharing my deepest parts with you, with gratitude that my experiences could help another.
Last night, however, I realized that this blog is also asking for integration. I spent many hours trying to figure out how to keep this blog as it is…I like the intimacy…the anonymity…the focus…the community we are building. Was I really ready to reveal myself to the world and let the world fully embrace all that I have to say and share with the world? The more I contemplated this, the more it became quite clear that despite the twinge of sadness, the answer was yes.
So, this will be my last post on this particular blog…to be continued in a new one that integrates all the different pieces of me in one place. Eventually, I hope to pull all of these posts over to the new blog so that there really is a continuity of experience for those who will need it in the future.
For you who have inspired this deepening and have participated in fulfilling my desires for a sisterhood, thank you for your support and companionship. I hope that, should you feel called to continue with me in this next phase of my life, you will join me at http://gyselagervais.wordpress.com.
- Grief and Flow (gyselagervais.wordpress.com)